Tinder Story: The Ostrich

With some 50 million active users world wide, Tinder has clearly tumbled onto something hot and sticky (no pun intended). So what happens when two people swipe right and follow their visual instinct and meet that irresistible looking mate! Our blogger tells her story!


So like most people my age I go on the occasional tinder date. That night, I had a tinder date with a guy I’ve been talking to for a bit. For privacy reasons I will give him the nickname Ostrich.

We met up in a bar. He was already there, but we didn’t immediately recognize each other. When we did, I knew within the first seconds, the potential for this date was clear: it was physical! I took him home and indeed it was a great night filled with fun sex, nothing wrong so far. What makes this a great tinder story is the next morning.

When we woke up Ostrich was really restless. He was checking his phone and he said he had all these missed calls from his friends, because apparently he was late for a wedding! I asked him where the wedding was and if he could still make it. It was in Belgium, so no he was definitely too late for the wedding itself, but he could make it to the party.

Ok, I said, so either hurry and go, or just accept the fact you’ve missed it and relax. And so he did, as if he suddenly had all the time of the world, and asked me “So what shall we have for breakfast?”. A bit stunned, but also hungry, I reacted with an: “Ok, I can fix us something”. So we had breakfast, and he extensively went through my bookcase, discovering Escher! Clearly he made absolute no intention of leaving.


Concept of fear with businessman like an ostrich


Now I’m a patient person, and not neurotic on these things, but I was slowly getting to the point of wanting him to F off. So I went to sit in my windowsill with a cup of tea, distancing myself from the conversation. Possibly too passively trying to make a point.

Luckily I had something to look at outside, cause a girl was scuffling in front of my window up and down the street. She eventually went to my neighbour’s door to ring the bell. Nobody answered. She walked away, still looking around a bit restless. Ostrich was still checking out Escher and giving some monologue about himself and that he used to make drawings just like this. Sure.

Still looking outside I saw the girl walking back into my street. She’d seen me sitting in the window and this time she walked up to my door. She rang the bell, and I opened the window to ask if I could help her. She said: ‘Yeah, sorry to bother you, I know I’ve been walking around here a bit sketchy, and I’ve seen you looking, but maybe you can help me. I’m looking for my boyfriend. He didn’t come home last night, and I see his bike standing here. We actually have to go to a wedding, which we’re late for.”

Totally caught off guard I replied: “Oh, yeah, uhm, I think he’s here.” She answers: “Ok. You know I said boyfriend, not à friend.” “Yes” I say “I’ll send him down…” “Yes. Please.” she replies. Not yet fully realizing what this means I close the window and turn around.

Ostrich is standing there, still in his underwear, looking at me with pure distress in his eyes and says: “Why did you tell her I was here?!” to which I replied “Why are you here?!!” Still with no intention of leaving he murmurs “How the hell did she find me”. I tell him to go put his clothes on. He goes to the bedroom and comes back wearing his pants. Of which I now realize they are like pretty nice part-of-a-suit-pants. And they now have white stains on them.

Tinder01


The giggle inside of me starts to build up. He keeps staring at his phone, not looking at me anymore, not communicating in any way, and still not really making any intent of leaving. I tell him he has to go. Clearly annoyed he doesn’t say anything back and walks down the stairs. I close the door and rush to the window, where I spy on them from behind the curtain.

She looks furious and I hear her say “Yeah you better have an explanation!” His head down like a scared puppy whist searching for his bike. An angry look is thrown towards my window, but she doesn’t see me. I see them cycling away together, him still with his head down as if he’s counting his chest hair. There I am, standing in my living room, slowly realizing what the hell just happened. An uncontrollable laughter builds up in me and I can’t stop. WTF just happened?!!! I wake up my flat mate who stares at me in pure disbelieve while I tell her what just took place.

Now, you might think the story is over. But besides being too curious how this story continued, I also realize this girl now knows where I live. So the next day I text him to test the waters. I ask him how the wedding was, and if he knows how she found him?

He replies immediately. He says they fought all day and didn’t end up going to the wedding. That reply alone makes me laugh again, but then he says she must have tracked his phone. So I say “She must have had a reason to do so”. And he simply replies with “Possibly”. We didn’t spoke again. Still seeing the humour in this bizarre situation, but also the shock of how different someone can be from how you first perceive them, this experience made me delete tinder. Well, just for a while anyway.

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