You asked, our specialists answered.
Q She Dares reader: What would you recommend to a woman who hasn’t has an orgasm in over 15 years, but used to have them frequently before?’
A Sexual therapist: Often stressful events or situations in the past cause hypertension in the pelvic floor. Because of the high tension woman are unable to let go of control. You can’t have an orgasm while being in control. When we find out what causes the tension I can help the woman for example with EMDR or tension relieve exercises. Unfortunately there is no simple answer to this problem. Every woman is exclusive and so is every orgasm, nevertheless I do believe we can find a solution to almost all sexual problems, especially since you were previously able to orgasm. Daring to take that first step is often the hard decision, but remember you are not alone in this experience, we are here to help.
Q She Dares reader: I have a new partner. I do not feel comfortable when we are making love. In fact, I feel a kind of pain and it hurts. This has never happened before (I had many more partners). What should I do? I like him very much and I feel attracted to him.
A Relationship therapist: You must check first to be healthy (I mean to exclude any local infection – candida etc.). Did you have a foreplay? Did you use any lubricants? What is your emotional connection with the partner except for the physical attraction? All these are very important. Usually women need an emotional arousal more than a physical one. What are your emotions regarding your partner? Do you feel secure when you are intimate? Try to give yourself some answers. Did you talk to him about your distress? He must know about this in order to give you the necessary (emotional) help.
Q She Dares reader: Is it right that “chemical attraction” makes a relationship work regardless the very opposite type of personalities?
A Relationship specialist: People are happy together only if they share the same…values and principles of life. “Chemical attraction” is one of the main “engines” of a relationship, but it is not enough for a long term situation. In the beginning the difference means fun, joy and maybe wild sex. After a while the difference becomes annoying and the partners are wondering how they got together. If they decide to stay together that might be an option only for a short term and it has to be mature and assumed. Otherwise it becomes dysfunctional and both partners end by being unhappy.
Q She Dares reader: I am in relationship for three years. In the beginning, when my boyfriend came home we used to talk about our working day. Lately he is very quiet and our dialogue is boring. Is he cheating on me?
A Relationship therapist: Sometimes men need to be by themselves, especially when something is bothering them (job issues, other members of the family etc.). Maybe your boyfriend is trying to find a solution for something. If this is the only change in his behaviour, make it sure there is no other problem in his life which he feels difficult to talk about. It helps telling him how you feel about his behaviour and not about him, what you think or imagine when he’s not talking to you.